Challenges

Well, the past few days have been pretty hard. I went to the doctor on Monday, knowing that I was going to be told that I needed surgery for Endometriosis. What I was not expecting however, was to be told that I needed to have surgery ASAP. Well, ASAP means this coming Friday, Feb. 26th.

To be completely honest I am a little scared for what this surgery will mean. There are many things that can happen. Unfortunately there isn't really any way for us to know exactly what is going on until Friday after the surgery.

Most people don't know what Endometriosis really is. And I don't know really how to explain it to people either. But I can tell you that you probably know more than one woman who has it. It hurts, and in more ways than just physically. It's sometimes hard to sit through classes, to eat, even to sleep. It can cause problems with fertility and even some other health issues. For me the emotional pain is the worst of anything that I could endure, not knowing what is going to happen, but knowing all of the possibilities. The uncertainty is insane to me.

I know that I should trust God to help me get through this, and believe me I know that He will. But sometimes you want answers, and want to be able to share with others your true feelings about everything without being judged or told that things will be "fine." I know that people don't know what to say, and I don't blame them. This is a complex and sensitive issue. It is very hard for me to explain to friends and family members how I feel about this, and about what I'm thinking and feeling. So I'm writing. I'm scared, really scared. I cry a lot. And I know that this whole thing is really hard on Ben, when we talk I can tell that it is hard for him to not be able to do anything to help me. I just try not to cry anymore, because it's hard on everyone that I know. Sometimes you just have to "pull yourself up by your own boot-straps" and go on.