Christmas' Past

Thanksgiving is still going on here in Tennessee. Do you know what that means? It means that Christmas cannot begin in my home. :(

If you know me at all, you know I LOVE Christmas and everything about it. So I leave you with some Christmas pictures from the past:

Our last picture of the Grandkids with MamaToo and Granddaddy.

First Christmas with my baby sister. I'm the cute one that looks sad.

My first cheesecake. It was SO good!!

The best gift I gave my parents, a blanket that says "The Stewarts"

This was taken on a date night my senior year. It was such a fun night. 

I come from a family of crazies.... and we're cool

That's right. I'll say it. My family is crazy. I love them, but sometimes I can't believe that I came from them. However, other times I totally see it. We truly have a wonderful time together. I love them, they make me crazy, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

I hope that today, you have had a wonderful and blessed holiday with your family. If you didn't get to be with your family, I hope you got to spend wonderful time with dear friends. 

So here are some pictures of the things that have been HUGE blessings this year:

My cousin, Carolyn's wedding. So fun and such a great distraction from all the terrible things happening.

While many did lose their homes in early May, my family was blessed to not have any damage from the flood. This picture was taken just off the entrance to the road we live on.

One of my bestest friends, Chelsea Grace, was able to spend some time with me a few times this year. It was much needed time for both of us!!

This boy just warms my heart. He has taught me so much about loving others and loving God. He is one of the strongest Christians, and greatest prayer warriors that I know.

My awesome parents. They are some of my closest friends, and have been my consistent supporters through everything.

Some that I don't have pictures for :

Vanessa Thomas, a consistent encouragement through this whole endometriosis thing.

My church families. That's right families, I have been blessed to be a part of several church families. Southland Christian Church in Lexington, Grace Baptist Church in Springfield, First Baptist in Hendersonville, and Central Baptist in Owasso.

Even though there have been hard times this year, I know that I am loved and blessed by an amazing God. He has given me many reasons to smile and to be thankful this year.

My blessed memories...

Today it is grey and rainy. Normally I love this type of weather, but I have many things to do today. Like go see a dear friend and her precious 2 week old baby, who I am truly addicted to.

But as I was planning my day, I remembered that I am helping to get ready for our first family Thanksgiving without MamaToo. So I just wanted to cry. I miss her terribly. In the past few years she had become one of my closest friends. She was just awesome.

From the time I was very young we shared our birthdays together.

We have also spent many days and nights cooking and making wonderful treats.

It often led to a little insanity.

She hates my school's cheer...So we got her a hoodie with it on it. Isn't she cute!

She also always took such a great interest in all of our hobbies and things we liked. 

I really hope when I'm a grandmother that I am as interested and as active as she was.

It made me think how blessed I am to have had a relationship with her and my other 3 Grandparents (who are all coming tonight).

Here's my favorite picture with my Granddaddy (MamaToo's husband), we were feeding the cows. 

So as you prepare for Thanksgiving, remember the people in your family, and how blessed you are to have them. Even though you don't always, or ever, get a long, they are a blessing. They are a blessing that many people in this world do not have. 

God Bless. Happy Thanksgiving!!

We all need a fresh start...and a little break

So I have been gone for a very long time. There has been a lot to happen over the past few months. I do not want you to feel that I am cold hearted or that I don't care about all that has happened, but the easiest way for me to catch everyone up is to quickly write out a list for you, so here goes:

Late Spring/Summer:

1. I went to a new Doctor in early April. She's awesome! Super compassionate and all around the kind of person you want being in charge of your care!!
2. Memorial Day weekend we found out my MamaToo (My Mom's Mom) had pancreatic cancer. :( They gave her less than 3 months to live.
3. We tried 3 types of medicine before the middle of June. Nothing helped.
4. In June we decided that I would have another surgery on July13th, to see what was going on inside.
5. I went to Falls Creek, an amazing church camp in Oklahoma, with my church out there. I was incredibly blessed to be able to go with them!
6. My sister and I had to leave Falls Creek early so we could be with our family, as my Grandmother was not doing well.
7. We frantically prepared for my cousin's wedding on June 26th, as we took turns caring for my Grandmother.
8. My boyfriend Ben came to visit the week of Carolyn's wedding, and was there for our anniversary.
9. July 5th, MamaToo went home to be with our Lord! She now stands before our Father praising His name!
10. Dad and I came home to get ready for my surgery and one of my bestest friends, Chelsea came to visit. She was able to stay with us for a week,and it was so fun to get to share some down time together before and after surgery.
11. July 13th, Surgery Day. We found out even though I was on Birth Control and other things to control my hormones, I had in less than 6 months grown from no endometriosis to stage III/IV. THAT'S HUGE!! And I had a lot of cysts and adhesions -> another source of pain!! My awesome Dr. removed all that she could see.
12. 1 week later I started Lupron shots to kill all the Endo. that we could not see. (It kind a grows like weeds do, big on top and lots of little veiny things in the tissue.)
13. Mid August, Ben and I broke up. I loved him and he loved me. But we agreed that we just were not what each of us needed right now.
14. School started and life has been crazy!
15. I got my 2nd Lupron shot, and had been hurting for a few weeks. Unfortunately it seems that my shots are no longer working with my body. In January we will go back to figuring something out to help.

So the big news now. I'm applying for Graduate School. I'm applying to : The University of Oklahoma-Tulsa, The University of Georgia, Washburn University, The University of Tennessee, and The University of Washington-Seattle. I'm pretty excited about it.

So to fill you in on where this blog is going, as it hasn't been anything more than venting previously, I am going to be sharing what I learn as I look into going Gluten Free, Crafts, and sharing some things from other fellow Bloggers that I love! I hope you enjoy and I'm excited to share my life with you!!

I'm incredibly blessed!!

If you haven't read my past few posts, please read them before finishing this post...... or you might get a little lost.

Well I went back to the doctor Tuesday. And guess what. I'm still not better, and I could have told you that without going to the doctor. My pain is the same as it was before surgery. I'm now on all kinds of meds. My doctor said that he wants to start me on Lupron shot therapy, which would basically put me into medical menopause for 6 months or so. I go back on the 7th of April for a second opinion, but we're pretty sure that this is our only option at this point.

So, due to all of this I have had to withdraw from school because I was missing so much. I also had to withdraw from the program that has been paying my tuition. I am moving back home to live with my parents until August. I will hopefully then go on to Austin Peay State University (where my sister goes to school) and finish school.

Also, Ben was in TN with me this week. We drove back to Owasso yesterday with my parents. Our plans for the week were completely derailed since he got very sick with the stomach virus that was going through his family. We basically both slept and laid around the whole week. We were quite a pair.

However, even with all of this going on I am so blessed. I have been so lucky to have amazing parents that want to help me with whatever I am going through in life, no matter what it means for them. They are also amazing encouragers and have been one of my main support systems through this all.

I have also been blessed to have friends who have been through this before. These wonderful Christian women have been such a blessing and encouragement to me. Sometimes you just need to hear things from someone who knows exactly how you're feeling and thinking.

Answers

Ok so Wednesday night I started hurting pretty bad. I thought, well this makes me feel like I really do need the surgery. At 5:00am Thursday morning I was still hurting so bad, the only thing that I know to compare it to is having contractions, because it came in waves like that. So at 5:45 I called my friend Laura, who was so wonderful and took me to the ER. After a few hours of tests we finally found out what was causing that pain. I had a large cyst that ruptured, all of that fluid was trapped and hurting me. They told me that I needed to come back Friday as scheduled for surgery to make sure that it all got taken care of.

So, Friday comes. I went into surgery at about 9:30am, and it took about an hour. So now we know what is going on with me. I was diagnosed with stage 2 Endometriosis. They were able to remove all of it, which is so exciting. We're hoping it doesn't come back. They also decided that they're going to change my medicine to see if it helps.

Challenges

Well, the past few days have been pretty hard. I went to the doctor on Monday, knowing that I was going to be told that I needed surgery for Endometriosis. What I was not expecting however, was to be told that I needed to have surgery ASAP. Well, ASAP means this coming Friday, Feb. 26th.

To be completely honest I am a little scared for what this surgery will mean. There are many things that can happen. Unfortunately there isn't really any way for us to know exactly what is going on until Friday after the surgery.

Most people don't know what Endometriosis really is. And I don't know really how to explain it to people either. But I can tell you that you probably know more than one woman who has it. It hurts, and in more ways than just physically. It's sometimes hard to sit through classes, to eat, even to sleep. It can cause problems with fertility and even some other health issues. For me the emotional pain is the worst of anything that I could endure, not knowing what is going to happen, but knowing all of the possibilities. The uncertainty is insane to me.

I know that I should trust God to help me get through this, and believe me I know that He will. But sometimes you want answers, and want to be able to share with others your true feelings about everything without being judged or told that things will be "fine." I know that people don't know what to say, and I don't blame them. This is a complex and sensitive issue. It is very hard for me to explain to friends and family members how I feel about this, and about what I'm thinking and feeling. So I'm writing. I'm scared, really scared. I cry a lot. And I know that this whole thing is really hard on Ben, when we talk I can tell that it is hard for him to not be able to do anything to help me. I just try not to cry anymore, because it's hard on everyone that I know. Sometimes you just have to "pull yourself up by your own boot-straps" and go on.